They wouldn't call it falling in love if you didn't get hurt sometimes, but you just pick yourself up and move on.
-- Gregory Thomas Garcia, Elijah Aron, Jordan Young AA

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
-- Mitch Hedberg AA

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-- Benjamin Franklin AA

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley AA