With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
-- Mitch Hedberg AA

We are generally the better persuaded by the reasons we discover ourselves than by those given to us by others.
-- Blaise Pascal AA

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
-- Isaac Asimov AA

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
-- Samuel Goldwyn AA